Part IV · Reaching people · Chapter 12
Copy and personalisation
Short, relevant and honest beats clever. Where AI helps write at scale, and how to keep it from embarrassing you.
13 min read
A cold email has a few seconds to earn attention from someone who didn't ask for it. The emails that work are short, specific and about the reader. Automation and AI make it easy to send a lot of mediocre email. The job is to send fewer, better ones, at scale.
What you'll take away
- 01The parts of a short cold email, and what each one has to do.
- 02Why relevance matters more than mentioning someone's name or school.
- 03How to use AI to write at scale without sending nonsense.
- 04How to plan follow-ups and add LinkedIn and phone.
- 05Where honesty and the law draw the lines.
Anatomy of a cold email
Subject: coffee on office days
Hi Priya, saw Northwind is asking teams back to the office three days a week from March.
Most office managers we talk to say the coffee is the first thing people complain about
when attendance goes up.
We set up Brightbean at Halden & Co last year; their kitchen survey score went from
2.9 to 4.4 out of 5 in two months, and there was no machine to buy.
Worth sending you our office-days setup guide?Notice what is missing: no introduction of your company, no list of features, no request for a 30-minute call, no compliments. Every sentence is about them or about evidence. The example company and figures are invented for illustration.
Relevance beats personalisation
Mentioning someone's university or a recent post shows you looked them up. It doesn't show you can help. Relevance connects something true about their situation to a problem you solve. One relevant sentence does more than three personal ones.
| Personal but irrelevant | Relevant |
|---|---|
| "Loved your post about leadership!" | "Saw you've opened a second clinic in Leeds this spring." |
| "Fellow Manchester alum here." | "Your careers page lists six open sales roles, most of them new territories." |
| "Hope your week is going well." | "Noticed you moved your billing to Stripe last quarter." |
Personalisation proves you looked. Relevance proves you can help.
Writing with AI at scale
AI is good at writing one specific sentence from a specific fact. It is bad at writing whole emails without sliding into generic, slightly breathless language. Use it narrowly.
- 1
Write the email yourself
The structure, problem, proof and ask stay fixed, written and tested by hand (chapter 6). - 2
Let AI write only the variable line
Give it the fact, such as the job ad, news item or website text, and ask for one plain sentence that connects it to the problem. - 3
Set rules in the prompt
No compliments, no exclamation marks, under 25 words, mention only facts in the source, return nothing if there's no relevant fact. - 4
Check every batch
Read a sample before sending. Ban phrases that keep appearing. Fall back to a standard line when the AI has nothing solid.
The fallback matters. A good standard email beats a weird personalised one. Measure reply rates for personalised and standard versions separately; sometimes the standard one wins.
Follow-ups and other channels
Many replies come from follow-ups rather than the first email. Each follow-up should add something: a different angle, a useful resource, a short question. "Just bumping this" adds nothing. Three or four emails over two to three weeks is typical; more starts to annoy.
| Day | Channel | Content |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | The main message | |
| 2 | Connection request without a pitch | |
| 4 | A different angle, or a useful resource | |
| 7 | Phone (high-priority accounts) | A short call referring to the emails |
| 10 | A short, polite close: 'should I stop here?' |
- Stop the sequence the moment someone replies, on any channel. Syncing replies across tools is an orchestration job (chapter 13).
- Use the phone for the accounts that matter most. It often multiplies results, and it costs the most rep time.
Honesty and the law
- Don't fake familiarity: no 'Re:' or 'Fwd:' on first emails, no pretending you've met.
- Make every claim checkable. Customer results should be real and approved for use.
- Include who you are and a simple way to opt out, and honour opt-outs immediately and permanently.
- Check the rules where your recipients are. The UK and EU treat business outreach differently from consumer marketing, and the US has its own law. Your legal team should sign off on the approach.
Try it
Rewrite a cold email
Rewrite this email to the operations director of a 300-person logistics company that has just opened a new warehouse:
Subject: Revolutionize Your Operations with AcmeFlow!
Hi there! I hope this email finds you well! AcmeFlow is the leading AI-powered
workforce platform trusted by innovative companies worldwide. Our features include
smart scheduling, real-time analytics, mobile apps, and seamless integrations.
Would you be open to a 30-minute demo next week?Write your answer down first, then reveal the worked answerWorked answer
For example:
Subject: rotas for the new Daventry site
Hi Sam, saw the new Daventry warehouse opened last month.
Second sites often end up running shift rotas on spreadsheets until something breaks,
usually peak season.
[Customer, if real and approved] moved two warehouses' rotas to AcmeFlow in a week
and cut last-minute agency staff by about a fifth.
Is rota planning for the new site already sorted, or still on spreadsheets?What changed: a specific, true opening tied to their situation; the problem rather than features; one piece of proof, used only if real; and an easy question instead of a 30-minute ask. The hype words and exclamation marks are gone. A strong answer keeps it under about 80 words.